Finnish Metal! by DC-in-Detroit

DC is a longtime contributor to the MCB.

She can be reached at DC.in.Detroit [at] gmail.com

Finnish Metal Tour 2011

20 February 2011

Blondies Detroit

When I saw the lineup for the Finnish Metal Tour, I knew I wanted in. I admit I don't know much about metal in general, and even less about the Finnish subgenre, but the way I see it, when Finntroll invites you to a party, you GO.

The show was relatively early, 6pm on a Sunday, and I was occupied in the house all day anyway, knowing I'd have plenty of time to get there. And then it happened. At about 2.30 in the afternoon, the snow started falling. And it just. Never. Stopped. By the time I stepped outside at 7, I went *poof* up to my knees.

My MCB photog of choice had already informed me that he wouldn't be making the trek – and I didn't blame him! – so I gamely packed up my slow old digital camera to attempt to break into a new career. Oh yeah, that went really well.

My camera was in no way prepared for this experience. I have about 200 shots that all look something like this.

At the same time, I was getting phone calls from both sides of town with a similar message: "Don't go out there, that's crazy!" But they fell on deaf (possibly frozen) ears.

After all, I may be a slave to fashion, and I'm definitely a slave to love, but I refuse to be a slave to the weather. Besides, these bands were from the original land of ice and snow; I had to represent for the midwest.

Seventy minutes later, I'd driven the 15 miles to Blondies. My last experience there wasn't that great, but I had higher hopes since it wasn't 95F outside. The attendant at their on-site (paid) parking lot had me nose the tank right up to the building, so maybe I WAS looking kinda cute, even though I'd decided against wearing my troll ears. (No no, I really don't have troll ears. As far as you know.)

I popped inside at about 8.15 and told the fella at the door that I was on Finntroll's list. "List? What list?" He got the attention of another guy working there. "Do we have a list?" "I think there was one around here somewhere, if it didn't blow away..." Now I'm just laughing, because it's comical how often this happens. He asked me who put me on the list, and I gave him the name of Finntroll's tour manager – or at least I tried to, his name has a remarkable number of vowels in it and I'm glad he wasn't there to hear it brutalized with his own ears. Door guy grinned and said, "Yeah, that'd be him. I believe ya," and sent me upstairs.

Blondies is an interesting room; small, with no real division of space. The first thing I noticed when I had fully entered the room is that I'd forgotten my ear plugs. Again. And I'd gotten them out and everything! I set them on the table while I was doing something else, and there they sat until I came home. I swear I need to just hang them around my neck and leave them there permanently.

By the time I got there, I'd already missed the two local bands that were warming up for the Finns. In a strange moment of serendipity, I ran into one of the local band members in the ladies' room (for she were a lady) and gave her my info, so I anticipate being able to see them play at a later date. Maybe I'll know something about metal by then.

A carefully-framed shot to make it appear that there were more than 15 people at the show.

When the first of the touring bands (Barren Earth) hit the stage, the crowd was, I'd guess, quarter-capacity. I'd heard that they'd presold more tickets than attendance suggested, so at least the bands still get paid. I took in the young, white, male crowd, and noticed that they could largely be divided into two camps: The long-hairs and the bald-heads. If you know me, you'd know in which camp I'd be pitching my tent.

Sidestepped over to the bar, hoping the bartenders were good at lipreading, because dognose there was no way they were hearing me. "Vodka cranberry?" she mouthed back to me, exaggeratedly. Bingo. At least I knew this part of my night was going to go well.

Just watching this gave me whiplash.

I watched all four bands, with all my attention. It's hard enough to tell what's being sung/growled/screamed in your average metal tune, and that's when they're in English. When the lyrics are, presumably, in Finnish, it actually... improves it somewhat. More often than not, I don't want to know what dudes are singing about. Since I can't really competently speak to the music or the lyrics, I'll just share with you what my notes were for each band:

Barren Earth: Oh I guess it's too early for moshing.
Rotten Sound: This band makes me feel like I should start a fight.
Ensiferum: Hmm, nice legs. Come ON, Detroit! Don't just STAND there looking lethargic!
Finntroll: OMG it's Skwisgaar and Toki!

Finally, halfway through Finntroll's set, the (small) pit set in. To be fair, it was a sparse crowd, and moshing with, like, three people tends to look a lot like skipping around in a circle. But me, oh, for whatever reason, I wanted to make a good impression on the Finns, so I was throwing long-haired boys into the fray left and right. I guess I felt like I needed to make up for the impression that we're afraid of snow. I mean, two feet of snow? Pfff, that's a spring day in, erm, Rovaniemi. Lest you think otherwise, I got mine in the pit, too, and I've got a couple of nice juicy thigh bruises to prove it.

This one is apparently when I set the people in front of me aflame.

Ultimately, this was a lot of sound in one long night. I think next time, if I have the chance, I'd love to see this kind of lineup in an outdoor festival. You just know these guys would be in heaven, surrounded by fresh air and sunshine. Or, you know, mud and thunderstorms. But next time, I'm definitely wearing my troll ears.